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Spiced Apple Juice: A Ferret Recipe

So I made this spiced apple juice at the fayre and everybody liked it so I thought I'd write down what I put in it and share it with people and Itchy helped and Doc read it over for me afterwards and I must have written it right because he was laughing so here it is (it does not go boom).

Step 1. Find a hedgehog to sell you some apple juice or scrump some apples and juice them yourself.

Step 2. Find a weasel. Shake weasel upside down until you get the following spices: sinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, peppercorns (whole spices only). If weasel does not have all necessary spices, dump weasel in ditch and repeat with fresh weasel.

Step 3. Raid a bee hive for honey or persuade a stoat to do it as a dare or threaten to shoot a weasel until they do it for you.

Step 4. Get an orange. The easiest way to do this is to chat to a toad with a glass house until they give you one to make you go away (this comes in extra handy later).

Step 5.
Push the cloves into the orange - make sure that the holes go all the way through the skin to the juicy innards (like shooting a weasel).

Step 6. Carefully check that no one has left any jars or other containers of powder near the firepit.
Step 6a. If you've decided to use powdered spices for some reason, carefully check no one has accidentally mixed them up with jars of powder (the peppercorns provide enough kick according to Itchy).
Step 6b. Double check you've followed steps 6 and 6a.
Step 6c. No, really. Cooking is one of the few places where there is no room for Boom (except sometimes).

Step 7. Put everything into a big pan and simmer for about half an hour with the lid on or until you get bored. Last time I did this I used about 20 cloves, 10 peppercorns, 2 nutmeg and about 4 inches of cinnamon to a biiig dollop of honey and 7 pints of apple juice - it's all about what you like.

Step 8. Serve in mugs. Try not to feed anyone peppercorns by accident.

Step 9. Sing rude songs about weasels until the sun comes up.

If you want to make this alcoholic, while the toad is getting you an orange in Step 4 see if you can steal a bottle of brandy or cwantroh from their drinks cabinet. Failing that, buy some applejack off a passing hedgepig (after scrumping in their orchard).

You could also add allspice and jinjer if you want to and if you have a big enough supply of weasels.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Nov. 10th, 2010 11:32 pm (UTC)
No Weasels were harmed in the making of this recipe... well, not much. :D
Nov. 10th, 2010 11:33 pm (UTC)
They were only made a bit dizzy by the shaking...
Nov. 11th, 2010 09:19 am (UTC)
Whyever not?
Nov. 10th, 2010 11:54 pm (UTC)

Nov. 11th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
I *knew* there was a reason I married you :D LOL.
Nov. 11th, 2010 09:50 am (UTC)
Damn, still haven't emailed you.

I still have you address on my desk at home - expect something directly.
Nov. 11th, 2010 05:39 pm (UTC)
Om nom nom... Gutted I missed this; will have to be more social next time and follow my nose...
Nov. 14th, 2010 11:24 am (UTC)
Don't know yet if I'll make this again next time or try something more interesting - it partly depends on seeing if I can make the little cooking firepit burn better next time so there's actual consistent heat. Bringing a bag of charcoal and a bag of woodchips might be the way forward.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )